From: Management
Re: Position open 20 January 2021
Please post the following online and in all appropriate publications.
Job Title: President, United States of America.
General Description: We are currently accepting applications for the position of President. The successful candidate must be prepared to manage a wide array of sensitive and demanding challenges, to delegate responsibility where appropriate, and to formulate both long term plans and responses to immediate situations.
The president will serve as Commander in chief of the world’s largest military force, will develop and implement policies guiding the foreign policy of one of the world’s super powers, and will apply the country’s foreign policies both to ongoing international situations and to new conflicts, crises, and events as they arise.
For this reason, management prefers applicants with demonstrated interest in and experience with international and geopolitical matters, including prior military service, relevant government or diplomatic service, and academic credentials.
The president will also play a leading role in the development and implementation of domestic policies, and in the federal government’s response to events affecting the people of the USA.
A complete listing of the matters for which the President will have some responsibility is beyond the scope of this announcement. However, for purposes of illustration and not intended as an exhaustive list, the President will be closely engaged in the following matters:
1. Budget. The president is responsible for developing a proposed budget which is submitted to Congress each year.
2. Infrastructure. The President will be responsible for addressing infrastructure problems neglected by previous administrations, including roads, bridges, water pipes, railroads, and government buildings. Some of these matters, such as the provision of water in Flint, Michigan, are urgent.
3. Immigration. The President will work with Congress to develop solutions to issues arising from immigration.
4. Health Care. Millions of citizens cannot afford necessary medical care. The President will work with Congress to address this problem.
5. Climate change. The President must be prepared to immediately take aggressive steps to mitigate the effects of climate change. This will require working with Congress and the leaders of other countries.
6. Domestic policies. The population of the USA is divided on an array of issues, including the legality of abortion, gun control, criminal justice, the proper scope of federal authority, educational policies, gender-related issues, voting rights, racial disparities, the role of money in our elections, regulation of industry and banking, the proper scope of environmental regulation, the appropriate role of federal government in redress of the impact of prior policies on non white populations, and the proper balance between the rights of the individual citizen of corporation and the best interests of society as a whole (examples of this tension might include whether to require vaccinations and OSHA regulations governing workplace safety).
The President should be prepared to use the power of the office to seek compromise where appropriate, to resist any erosion of basic rights, to balance competing interests, and to work with Congress on appropriate legislation.
Specific skills. The successful candidate will be well educated, with a broad general understanding of government and history, both American and international.
In addition, the President must possess the following abilities:
Physical stamina. The job of President places extraordinary demands upon the person in this position. For example, the President should be prepared to travel across many time zones and to undertake matters of great significance on arrival, regardless of the difference between the perceived time (Washington D.C.) and local time. The President must be able to work 12 hour days, 7 days a week. During a crisis, the President may need to function at the highest level on just 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night.
Intellectual ability. All of the applicants receiving consideration by management will be intelligent and educated. However, the winning candidate should possess the ability to quickly learn and synthesize new information on any possible subject. This will include the ability to quickly read and understand 50 to 100 pages of factual information on a matter that might be new to the President and to apply our foreign or domestic policies to issues arising from this subject. For example, it is possible that an unexpected international incident would require the President to rapidly absorb the history and culture of a nation to which the President had previously paid little attention; similarly, an unusual natural disaster could require the President to immediately learn the rudiments of a scientific or natural subject, such as the factors involved in the rupture of a dam, a wildfire, or the dangers arising from a hurricane. As mentioned above, management expects all serious applicants to be able to study and learn new material – it is the ability to do this quickly, in response to an emergency, that will distinguish the successful candidate.
Personal traits. Character is perhaps the most important criteria for the successful candidate. The President must have a proven track record of successfully working with a variety of people, including those of different background and beliefs. He or she will have a reputation for honesty, integrity, compassion, and tact, and a demonstrated ability to exhibit grace under pressure and empathy. At the same time, the President must be capable of making hard decisions and taking appropriate risks. He or she must be skilled at delegating to others while retaining responsibility for a decision, must be adept at compromise and negotiation. It is essential that the President be a person with a mature, even temperament, who can maintain equilibrium and good humor under stress.
Please submit all applications to management (me, the Empress of the Universe). We will consider all applications without regard to sex, race, gender orientation or preference, ethnic or religious background, or any other suspect classification.
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Many Happy Returns 