There is so much that I would like to say to my daughter if she would let me, and so many things I would like to ask, if she would answer. I would like to ask: What are your teaching jobs this fall? How is the public school job different from the Montessori school? How is Rowan doing at preschool? What did the headache specialist say? Why did you unfriend me on Instagram and Facebook? I would like to say Hello, let me introduce myself as a person this time. Please give me the benefit of the doubt, I am on your side. If there is something from the past that you need to discuss, we can do that. If not, could we move towards a relationship of two adult women who love each other?
If I send a letter or email, I fear that it will be discarded or read through the prism of “there she goes again and I just can’t deal with this right now.” On the other hand, if I write in this blog I will clarify my own thoughts and feelings. Why write about a personal relationship on a public blog? Precisely because it is a public blog. Although it is likely that no one will ever read this but me, the bare fact of its being public will keep me honest and dampen any tendency towards melodrama.
So, here is a letter to my daughter, who will never read it because how would she stumble over it?
This is what I would like: Simply put, I would like it if we could have more FUN together. You know, being relaxed, cooking, hiking, knitting, painting, with no Agenda? I would like it if we both agreed not to assume that we know what the other one is thinking, because a lot of problems in relationships start with “You think XXX.” But, fun, could we agree on fun and just take it from there?