Talking to Teens About Sex, Part Two

Part Two – In which Mom explains why she has made an unenforceable rule. 

“Suzy, you don’t have permission to have sex before you’re eighteen.”
What?  Yes, I know I can’t follow you around.  I can’t possibly enforce this rule.  But, I can still tell you what the rule is, and if you have sex when you’re 15, you’ll know you’re breaking the rule and doing something you do not have permission to do. 

Why? Because you aren’t ready. 

First, there are the well-known physical dangers.  I know they’ve talked to you in school about std’s and about pregnancy.  And there’s a lot of talk about condoms, as if they were a magic answer.  Well, the truth is the “barrier” methods of birth control are great for a married couple who are going to have kids anyway, and it isn’t the end of the world if they start their family a little sooner than planned.
But for kids?  There is a big failure rate for condoms, because kids are more likely to skip it “just this once” or – this is the biggest problem – put the condom on too late.  One little drop is all it takes for a baby to get started. 
And then what?  The choice between an abortion or becoming a mother at 16 is not a happy thing to face.  Even if you end up sure it was right to have an abortion, or sure that you love being a young mother, there are some real difficulties with either one.  It’s a whole lot better not to be in that position.

Secondly, even if there was no such thing as a baby or an std, young teens aren’t emotionally ready for a sexual relationship.  It’s just – Suzy, I know this sounds goofy, but it’s true – it’s not as much fun as dating lots of guys more casually.  Think about it – the kids who have sex are in these monogamous relationships, lots of jealousy and only dating each other – that’s marriage not dating. 
This is the stage where you try out romantic dating with lots of different boys.  You just can’t do that if you’re having sex with someone.   And, even if you were ready, chances are the boy isn’t mature enough. 

When you’re a young woman in college, you will be emotionally and physically grown up enough to have a pretty good idea what kind of man you like, and to be ready for more serious relationships.  But, not until then.

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