Daily Archives: October 4, 2009

An Open Letter to Everyone

Dear world, and especially,
Dear friends, relatives, long-lost schoolmates who contacted me via FaceBook or Classmates.com, co-workers, online knitting pals, swap buddies, my husband and children, President Obama, charities who keep mailing donation requests, and people whose knitting gifts I started years ago and haven’t finished,

I apologize for everything.
I’m sorry for not getting as much done as usual, for being tired,
achy, gloomy, irritable, and for losing perspective.
I’m sorry for speaking/writing before I think,
for not wanting advice, for bailing out on commitments and plans,
for not doing my part to bring about meaningful health care reform.
I regret not responding to your overtures via social networks,
for not getting back in touch. I’m sorry for ignoring phone calls,
for not finding a new job, for sleeping so much, for snapping at
people and picking fights, for acting like the biggest thing in my
whole life is the year-long medical treatment I’m undergoing,
with its stupid side effects.

I’m sick of feeling vaguely like I need to apologize to everyone.
My head hurts, I’m anemic, my muscles ache, I don’t even know
if this treatment will succeed, the medication causes fatigue and
depression, the economy sucks, I don’t want to find a new
job but I have to anyway, and it all just seems like Too Much.

I realize that I’m not holding up my end of the bargain,
and I’m sorry.
I will return to normal in about a year.
In the meantime, please accept my apology,
and please cut me a break.